The first thought I have when I wake up in the morning, even before I've considered opening my eyes, is you. You're the very last thing I think about as I drift off to sleep, and the subject of nearly every thought I have in between...

Je t'aime sans peur et sans reproche....

          I was sitting around the other day doing what all professional bums do – watching tv – and my cousin leonalux asked. “So what’s your stand about it?” she said perplexedly, echoing the question that’s been on the lips of my philo professors not so yesteryear in an inquiringly tone though. Trying to puzzle over if are we endowed with free will, or is our destiny formed by immutable forces that none of us may understand or alter in any way? Calvin or Spinoza?

I was just starting to freak out about the unemployment threat posed by sputtering economy, political descendancy, predetermined future or plain procrastination? The sun shone at the other side of the world, and I’m not getting any reply from my mum yet, but that doesn’t explain anything.

“I do not care to say!” would’ve been my answer. But trying to be witty and safe, I remained neutral. Okay, reserve the hottest fires in hell for me. But do me a favor first…listen to my malarkey.

I think it doesn’t matter whatever or wherever your destiny brings you in the future. Whether you are the richest person or somebody earning and dealing with the hotly contested issue of minimum wage. It’s how you derive happiness. Success is relative anyway. Money and ambition is not a guarantee of absolute happiness. But being happy is a decision, an attitude. You also have to work on it. Success, ambition, career, mundane desires – or the lack of it – and everything requires constant effort. Same as well to any kinds of relationships.

So I think what’s important is how you live your life – a matter of counting your blessings. Appreciating every minute that passes. Savor the time when you still have a chance to bum around. But don’t make it a habit please!

                Am I making any sense here? (collective groan of agony) Oh well, damn if you say I am, damn if you say I am not. I mean, really… I want you to close your eyes and take a very special breath. And then I want you to clap your hands together and believe harder than you’ve ever believed in your life. Say to yourself, “I do believe in it! I do! I do!” And keep on clapping harder! It’s working! Look it’s feeling you. It’s looking at you. It’s listening! It’s snorting!

Oh, before I’d lose what li’l nerve I now had in doing something productive (am almost done with my thesis) God bless us, everyone!

         In anyway whatever, self-contradictory as I am, madamoiselle merlux just nicely suits me. Luxe in French means superfine quality or light in Latin. So who am I to complain? I'm valuable, afterall. No, scratch that. Indeed, I am precious!

Waiting for my guy friends… out to buy for another round of elbow-bending session.

Ako heto tamang emote muna with matching kitchie’s same ground (pathetic ano?)

Quarter Life Crisis…

Yea, life was easier back in college… regular college days I meant.

Cge na nga, I’m a little bit intoxicated already… and guess what I’m mad – hating somebody.

I’m young… but, what comes next after thesis, er… finishing it?

Hindi pa nga ako umuuwi sa amin a.k.a real home.

Oh well.

Still, life stays beautiful.

From G. de la Paz’ A little birdie told me that you’re a big piece of chic (conversation with Kitty Go) article in his column Age Against the Machine:

You cannot choose whom to fall in love with. Sometimes no matter how hard you hold your grip, you find yourself falling dangerously fast in love with someone.

It’s so easy to think about love, to talk about love, to wish for love, but it’s not always easy to recognize love when we hold it… in our hands.

Humans are supposed to be rational beings, but no matter how logic tells you how feelings could be fleeting some would still opt to sing… Love moves in mysterious ways.

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. What goes on in the mind and in the heart are two different things, even though you may wish that they were the same. Love is difficult to comprehend!

Hmmm…..

In time, there is nothing wrong with completely and utterly falling for someone extraordinary as long as that extraordinary someone is there to catch you when you do.

What if not?

If love becomes painful and joyless, it’s time to let that love go and save yourself. You will find another love but not another self.

***How funny the world looks at me as an expert in love when I can’t seem to find someone whom I can share sunsets with…

Back in Davao already (been here for five days now). Going to mass with my two best buds – Johanna and Nath – a little later.

Yea, true… I'm missing a lot of people in Manila (much… more than I anticipated). You can't have everybody in one place.

But some old habits die hard. As soon as I landed back here, been out with people that I used to be with. Nostalgia attack! tee hee!

Refreshing it is to gang up with them again after weeks and months in not so familiar place. Everything old is gold again!

I'm still in doldrums, have lots of unfinished business here to deal with… but I have a lot of reasons to smile. Why not?

But then again, Metro Manila will always be a customary sojourn for me… ironically, most of my families are there… and me, alone here. Though I am not. =)

Cotabato City ? will always be my real home, after all I was born there and where I met my best friends!

(Great Sunday morning… it is!)

Apple pie (perfect condition)

Watchful… Attentive.

Wary… Extremely attentive.

Spark.

Ignition.

Ecstatic moments…

Stir.

Smoke… puff.

Reveries.

Endure.

Foaming liquid… gulp.

Stir.

Good part…

Conceal.

Euphoria.

Ashes in my mouth (bitter disillusionment).

Bliss.

At sea (confusion).

Holdback.

Bail out.

Back to square one.

Bygones (history).

I should’ve seen it coming…

Flirting with you is much of a pretext of courting disaster.

Again! …I never learn.

But heck, you knew all along that you’ll just going to burst my bubble.

You should’ve not encouraged my flights of fancy.

Talk about fairness.

I hate playing hit or miss.

I am not built for that.

I am not trying to make a soap opera out of this…

But you’re just being unfair.

Totally unfair.

But much to my chagrin…

I still yearn for you.