Recently, a friend asked me if I fear death. I already answered this question long before. I don't. I just don't.

           Early this year , my lola, whom i call "mamang" was showing signs that she's ill. Just like any other oldie she's suffering with illnesses that comes along with age. But she's not that old, and she was weak and sick. I am one of "apos" who grew up with mamang and papang. Just last september 2005 they celebrated their Golden Anniversary. They exchanged vows again. It was like a feast for our family and friends. We were all there to witness.

           For six years now, I'm always away but I come home during holidays and family gatherings. last December 2005 I stayed at home for three weeks, I realized how feeble mamang became despite of the medication she's taking. Far from the image I always remember when I am away studying or working. Her being weak sent me fear. I dedicated those three weeks at home taking good care of my lola and spending it with my family. Following months, her visits to hospital became frequent.  Cancer with complications caused her emaciation. Last May 2006, mamang left us for a better place.

            Her death until now scares me. So afraid to lose any of my love ones. I miss mamang terribly. Terribly.